altrok main 2/24/2005

for February 24, 2005

The Greatest TV Show Ever, Even More
by Stiffy Biceptz

A couple of months ago I wrote an article about VH1’s Surreal Life. I remarked how the interaction of Flava Flav and Brigitte Neilson was something remarkably bizarre and worth watching. Sadly, the piece got lost somewhere between my computer and my editor, and it never saw the light of day. Our collective loss.

Well, there’s good news. The improbable, most unlikely, surely doomed, dysfunctional relationship between the two charismatic nut-jobs has grown from a Surreal Life sideshow to its own half hour show called, never more appropriately, ‘Strange Love’. The mere mention of Flava Flav and Brigitte Neilson in the same sentence should be reason enough to watch the show.

Not since the TV antics of Andy Kaufmann have viewers watched a show and said out loud to themselves, “Can this be real??”

Ladies and gentlemen, it appears to be so.

The series began where the Surreal life left off. A budding romance between Flav, the cartoonish front man from the infamous Public Enemy, and Brigitte Neilson, the amazon-like Euro gal who's biggest claim to fame is having been married to Sylvester Stallone. And the fact that she’s just gigantic.

It starts with Flav flying to Italy to surprise his fair maiden, pronounce his love and return her to America as his wife/lover/bodyguard. If the invasion of Iraq didn’t kill the transatlantic relationship, this might just do it.

The series continues from there with Flav attempting in every possible way to convince Brigitte that she belongs with him, and to dump her fiancé, some young guy who must be thinking--well I can’t imagine what.

If there was ever a show you needed to watch, even if for nothing other than pure shock value, this has got to been seen.

These two have to be the most unlikely pair in human history. The clash of cultures is simultaneously disturbing and hysterical. They make the Michael Jackson/Lisa Marie Presley marriage look damn normal.

Highlights so far:

Brigitte introducing Flav to her sophisticated Euro friends. He in a white tux, she towering over him. They look they’re going to die when Flav spill some wine.

Brigitte backstage with Public Enemy before a show. Think of the club scene in Animal House. That was a friendly place compared to this.

Brigitte onstage with Public Enemy, kissing and hugging Flav during a show. I don’t think I’ve ever felt more uncomfortable watching anything in my life. The crowd looked awfully embarrassed. The look on Chuck D’s face as he realizes PE has just become Abba.

The trailers show scenes from future episodes. Flav takes Brigitte to the ‘hood. A wedding chapel in Las Vegas. Strap yourselves down.

Final Notes: This show will either trigger the comeback of smoking or its final demise. The tobacco companies must be loving the fact that Brigitte smokes on camera throughout each entire episode. But it ain’t pretty. She’s the new Marlboro Man.

I’m already looking forward to the next chapter in this tale, “The Flavs”, the reality show that will follow the newlyweds lives after the wedding. Move over Ozzy.