Big Brother Can’t Dance, But Stiffy Can!
by Stiffy Biceptz

Yesterday my company (a VERY large corporation) had one of its bad hair moments. The company cafeteria, which occasionally has theme days, decided it would have a 70’s day, featuring 70’s food (???) and of course, 70’s music. The food was awful, but the sterile, canned "party atmosphere" was downright painful.
 
Why do corporations feel the need to have such contrived social events? Do they think that by having such parties employees will feel more connected to the company or each other? It’s more than likely to speed up job searches. Do they think that they are doing us a favor, or making work "fun"? Or is it out of guilt? Is the employer admitting that work here sucks, but this little party will make it all worthwhile? (Not without liquor it won’t...)
 
When it comes to the job, fun is more money, or a day off. Fun is my boss getting fired, or even better, someone worthy of the job being my boss. To most people, a job is a source of income, and not much more. This isn’t to say we all don’t enjoy our jobs, or don’t seek to find careers that are satisfying, but let’s be honest. If they didn’t pay us, we’d be gone in a second.
 
Fortunately, the music was good. When I arrived at the cafeteria, "How Deep Is Your Love?" from the Saturday Night Fever soundtrack was playing. As I sat down to eat, it was "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor. My lunch mate snarled, "I hate disco…" with venom I hadn’t heard in 25 years. I didn’t say anything in response, but after awhile I think he became suspicious of my view since I had casually mentioned the names of all the songs and the artists we heard for the 45 min we were there. Or maybe he saw my foot tapping along to the beat under the table.
 
Stiffy Biceptz loves classic disco. Shocked? Horrified? You shouldn’t be. Anyone who knows me knows how I love to dance, and how hot I am on the dance floor. Disco is great to dance to, and if it’s good to dance to then I like it.
 
And how did a suburban middleclass white kid growing up in the 70’s become the dance force he was and still is? Because my mom made me take dance class in 7th and 8th grade, that why. Not only were we forced to learn the Fox Trot, the Tango, and the Cha-Cha, but we also learned the Hustle, which was at the peak of its insanity from 76-77. And what did we dance to? All the greatest disco hits.
 
It turned out to be a great experience for little Stiffy. Not only was it mandatory for girls to touch me, but I discovered I liked dancing, and that I was actually pretty good at it. In fact, Diana Hall and I won the second place trophy in the big end of year dance contest. I’m still bitter about that, though. My regular partner, Delores Gibby, was forced to dance with a different kid and they won! That 1st place trophy should have been ours. From those lessons a dance loving kid was born. And those dancing skills served my well in my college years, if you know what I mean. Thanks mom.
 
So take it from Stiffy. Plenty of disco is good, and some bad, just like any other music genre. Looking back on those "disco sucks" days, it’s very clear now, that even if it was unconscious, that hatred was just racism and homophobia. And there’s no room for any of that on my dance floor.
 

©2004 Stiffy Biceptz