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Music Savaged By The Average Beast

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for November 5, 2003

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Reality Bites Back
by Your Diva, Robin Pastorio-Newman

"Humility helps."
      - boni joi
Your Darling, Your Diva, Your One True Love hates purses and gave up carrying them around years ago. This is not to say there isn't a warm spot in her heart for an antique beaded number on a formal occasion, but for daily use, Your Beloved prefers lunchboxes and has built quite a collection. It's logical: lunchboxes clean up like a breeze, they're sturdy and the amount of stuff a gal schleps around is limited by the size, shape and closing capacity of the zipper or clasp. As an aid to posture and clutter cutting, a lunchbox full of little necessities functions beautifully. However, Your Delight quit thinking of them as lunchboxes, which kicked open the door and let comedy crash the party.
One morning, Your Sweetness stood in her kitchen, puzzled. Plastic grocery bags just do not cut it as fashionable means for toting around V8 juice, fresh fruit, and crunchy snacks and Your Chou Chou actually uttered the words, "If only there were a device forů" before the silliness of the situation dawned on her. Then she slapped her forehead, made for the closet and picked out a supercool Dragonball Z lunchbox. Duh, duh, duh.
Last week's Altrok excursion to the Saint proved equally revealing. The Dutch band Seedling, recommended long and hard by Altrok guru Sean Carolan, put on a great, great show, which anyone could see coming a mile off. Before the band played, Your Pumpkin noticed Sean chatting with a handful of tiny, thin, pale girls. It's the Saint. Those girls could live upstairs, for all anyone knows.
Next thing, those girls plugged in and played a blistering, brilliant set. Girls who looked a little tired and disheveled ten minutes before positively smoldered on stage. The drummer was a blur, the guitar player was gorgeous and charismatic, and the violinist transformed into a raging sexual dynamo. It's a wonder the violin didn't catch fire. All of this would have been bizarre if the band had been so-so, but the songs were fantastic. And they turned out to be nice people, too.
We've all heard that Marilyn Monroe was a costume Norma Jean Baker put on and took off, and when she took off the character, Norma Jean could walk down the street undisturbed. Whatever indefinable thing it is that turns ordinary people into stars - the members of Seedling have it in spades. Expect big things from these wild people.
Perhaps you've noticed MCI commercials for The Neighborhood, a package phone use plan, featuring Michael McDonald, very formerly of the Doobie Brothers. Unfortunately, McDonald is also pushing his new album of Motown covers. Agggggh. Perhaps the irony of this has escaped you each time you ran screaming from your television so let's take this nice and slow:
Michael McDonald. Is schilling for MCI. With his soft-rock rendition of. Marvin Gaye's. "Ain't Nothin' Like the Real Thing."
Well, he got that part right.

©2003 Robin Pastorio-Newman

All material ©2001-2014 Sean Carolan, except as noted.


Today's NY/NJ Shows That Matter

Friday, May 29, 2020
Polaris at The Foundry, Philly (POSTPONED)
Connor Bracken & The Mother Leeds Band, Jaron Clemons & The Late Nights, Morningside Lane and more at House Of Independents (POSTPONED TILL AUG 21)
Lucinda Williams at City Winery (Pier 57) (POSTPONED)
Peter Wolf & The Midnight Travelers at Tarrytown Music Hall, Tarrytown NY (POSTPONED)
Bobby Cochran at Paramount Theatre (POSTPONED)
Bobby Bandiera: Runnin Down A Dream at Count Basie Center For The Arts (RESCHEDULED FROM MARCH 13) (POSTPONED)
More NY/NJ Shows That Matter

ALTROK Ordinals

ALTROK recommends music once a week; here's our most recent choices. Most links will take you to a place where you can buy the music; if there's no link, and you own a record company, consider releasing it yourself...

A Place To Bury Strangers - It Is Nothing
The Boxer Rebellion - Semi-Automatic
The Cribs - Cheat On Me
Datarock - True Stories
Everything Everything - Photoshop Handsome
HEALTH - Die Slow
Miles Hunt and Erica Nockalls - Catching More Than We Miss
Julian Plenti - Games For Days
Los Campesinos - The Sea Is A Good Place To Think Of The Future (Free download!)
Miike Snow - Black & Blue

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