for July 23, 2003
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for today's rant...
[Inscrutable Links: John Peel Says "Hi". FM106.3 Staff List. FM106.3's 1988 playlist.]
Didja Ever Have The Feeling You Wuz Bein' ... Watched?
by Your Diva, Robin Pastorio-Newman
Once upon a time in New Brunswick there was a great band called
Butthead. It was a mighty band of three crazy men who played excellent
songs and had many fans and were loved far and wide, and then MTV and
Mike Judge came out with Beavis & Butthead. The band changed its name to
avoid the appearance of ... well ... idiocy. So the newly-christened
Buzzkill was a mighty band of three crazy men who played excellent songs
and had many fans and were loved far and wide. Then MTV came out with a
new show called Buzzkill. You see where this is going, don’t you?
Years ago, Your Darling, Your Diva, Your One True Love had the great
pleasure of hearing a fantastic story from her vivacious brother. He and
two of his friends played a game of their own invention: full-contact
golf. It works like this, if memory serves:
1. Everyone tees off, shoves a golf club down his left pant leg and runs
across the green. The person whose ball lands farthest from the hole
carries the boom box.
2. Tackling is allowed. Blocking is expected.
There may have been a rule about who carries the flask, but who
remembers? Anyway, the mental image of one Italian and two Puerto Rican
teenagers crookedly running around a golf course with a boom box is
priceless. This story was repeated many times in New Brunswick bars,
which was why no one should be surprised full-contact golf turned up in
a television commercial a few years back.
Some time later, a landing party to a theater showing Kevin Smith’s
Dogma experienced an unusual jolt. Your Starfruit’s wacky and brilliant
lady friends can often be found in public places smoking, drinking
refreshing beverages and discussing a truly staggering array of topics
in astonishing depth. Science. Biblical texts. Art. Obscure folk music.
Politics. American Chopper. Establishing an alibi. Really, the
conversation could go anywhere, and the surprising twists and turns are
better than the best shiiiiiiny objects. So imagine our surprise
when conversations we’d had came out of the mouths of actors we’d never
met. We checked: the script was written at a time when Kevin Smith could
not have stolen it from our chatter, but not before we emailed him --
everyone in New Jersey has his email address, right? -- to tell him next
time instead of eavesdropping he should sit down at the table and
Presently, there’s a gossipy business about a famous novelist living in
Princeton. Your Papaya has never met the person. It is commonly
whispered that anything you tell that person finds its way into the next
novel. Shhhhh! It should come as no surprise then to see the latest soft
drink commercial featuring Anastacia, chatted up by one altrok
contributor, singing her heart out in a bowling alley, harmonizing with
Cyndi Lauper, whose praises Your Pineapple warbles daily and twice on
Sundays. Seeing those two women side-by-side was like a bolt from the
blue. By itself, this ad is simply good fun, but in combination with
other events, it is enough to make one believe writers of several ilks
have an ear to the ground at Central Jersey busstops and in bars, and
your life becomes their livelihood. Hey, are your problems yours or All
My Children’s next storyline?
©2003 Robin Pastorio-Newman
All material ©2001-2014 Sean Carolan, except as noted.
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Levy & The Oaks and Bottled Blonde at Asbury Park Yacht Club
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Everything Everything - Photoshop Handsome
HEALTH - Die Slow
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Julian Plenti - Games For Days
Los Campesinos - The Sea Is A Good Place To Think Of The Future (Free download!)
Miike Snow - Black & Blue
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