Click Here for the Altrok Home pageClick Here for the Rant ArchiveAltrok Radio: On the web and at WRSU-FM 88.7, New Brunswick, NJNY/NJ Area Shows That MatterAltrok Swag: T-Shirts, Mugs, Bags and (of course) Thongs.Viral Guerilla Marketing: Help Us Make Altrok Ubiquitous.A parade of items and links that enrich your Altrok Lifestyle.Send feedback to Altrok

Music Savaged By The Average Beast

Listen Now to Altrok Web Radio
(Or just look at what's playing.)

Subscribe to
Altrok's Discussion List
Powered by

for June 18, 2003

Click here or scroll down
for today's rant...

Right now on our web station.
Or check out our weekly FM Radio Showcase at:
WBJB-FM 90.5 The Night, Lincroft, NJ
Fridays, 10PM Eastern
Online at

[Inscrutable Links: John Peel Says "Hi". FM106.3 Staff List. FM106.3's 1988 playlist.]

by Your Diva, Robin Pastorio-Newman

He's turning green. He's standing in the doorway, watching you cut up whole chickens with kitchen shears. He's not fainting or anything, but he looks a little wavy. He says, "I'm, um, thinking I'll go hack up some lumber in a manly way."
"Are you feeling okay?"
"Yeah. Fine."
"You like chicken, right?"
"But what I'm doing is making you queasy?"
"It's just so anatomical..."
"I'm cutting up chickens. Did you think they descended from Heaven coated in 11 herbs and spices?"
"No. I..."
"Here, why don't you help me? Take the scissors and cut off the wings. Like this -"
Snip. Now he's completely green. He might pass out right here on the cheap vinyl flooring, providing a nice contrast to the awful yellow and orange plaid pattern. He backs away.
"After I finish cutting off the wings and legs, I'll cut up the center of the breast and along the sides and down the back. Do you like giblets? Want to rinse off the liver?"
"No... I..."
"See? This is no big deal. I pull off all the extra fat. How's that look?"
"And I cut the leg from the thigh at the joint - "
Snip. He might yak.
"Now I'll rub everything with salt, put the chicken aside and wash my hands. You want to go outside and pick some tomatoes for the salad?"
"I... don't think I should go near the garden..."
"Hand me the flour, some pepper, basil. Do we have any onion salt?"
"...I can't read..."
"Are you going to help me or what? They're your friends."
"Maybe build a fire... I'll go plant the trees..."
That's Mr. Top Of the Food Chain to you and me!

©2003 Robin Pastorio-Newman

All material ©2001-2014 Sean Carolan, except as noted.


Today's NY/NJ Shows That Matter

Sunday, July 12, 2020
Janet Jackson at Prudential Center (POSTPONED)
Jim Gaffigan at Monmouth Park (7p, DRIVE-IN concert)
More NY/NJ Shows That Matter

ALTROK Ordinals

ALTROK recommends music once a week; here's our most recent choices. Most links will take you to a place where you can buy the music; if there's no link, and you own a record company, consider releasing it yourself...

A Place To Bury Strangers - It Is Nothing
The Boxer Rebellion - Semi-Automatic
The Cribs - Cheat On Me
Datarock - True Stories
Everything Everything - Photoshop Handsome
HEALTH - Die Slow
Miles Hunt and Erica Nockalls - Catching More Than We Miss
Julian Plenti - Games For Days
Los Campesinos - The Sea Is A Good Place To Think Of The Future (Free download!)
Miike Snow - Black & Blue

Viral Guerilla Marketing Tools


ALTROK talks about music, but that job isn't done 'til you make it your own...

ALTROK is a member of the Associates Program.
Click here to buy there, and help support ALTROK in the process.


You've read the rants, you've listened to the streams...
ALTROK swag! click on the t-shirt to pick up the swag!

[Error Creating Counter File -- Click for more info]