Meaning And Meanness
by Your Diva, Robin Pastorio-Newman

Our Boston bad boy, Rockabilly Johnny Boucher reports:
 
"How did this happen? I appear to be wearing a rust-colored leisure suit with an indigo Quiana shirt. I've somehow grown a shag haircut, and around my neck someone, I have a terrible feeling it must be myself, has placed a puka shell necklace. I seem to be driving a black Trans Am with the big awful bird painted on the hood, and emanating from the 8-track, I think I hear... oh my God... is that... Foghat?"
 
Bless us, we thought moving out of New Jersey and crossing the Good Taste barrier at the Massachusetts State Line quelled fears like these. Apparently, we can't control our thoughts any more than we can genuinely control icky spam hitting our email accounts, witness:
 

(Please Forward this to Anyone who Might be Interested) NYC most exclusive Friday Party. Dress to impress. Doorperson will be very selective with this crowd. Doors open at 10 pm and eat the late night appetizers. Djs A------- and E--- K----- will spin while a live percussionist plays to the music. Pease dress fashionably and bring a mixed group of guests. friday, june 13th and each and every Friday Grand Opening of [REDACTED] formerly [COVERED-UP] doors open 10pm dj a------- and e--- k----- house classics hip hop rock r&b reggae ladies FREE before midnite, free gift for all ladies OPEN BAR from 10 to 11 pm guestlist only party. Dress to impress. Doorman reserves the right to be selective. Strict dresscode enforced | doorman's discretion Plan you next event with us... For further information, Guestlist, RSVP, Corporate and Birthday Parties Email: [WITHHELD] Cell: [NOT REPEATED]

 
Creative spelling, capitalization and punctuation courtesy of the email's sender, who apparently wants you to call and tell this character how you, witty and clever, desperately wish to be rejected by this doorman.
 
Now, you're cool so you don't need the reassurance of small-time glitterati. You're hot, so you don't need anyone to tell you any scrap of floss looks fabulous on your fine physique. You know that where you are, that's where the party is. So... don't coy and insulting invitations like this make you wish your toolbar offered Reply, Reply All, and Reply With Flaming Dog Poop buttons? If you get into this party, you can expect a ladies room gathering like a pack of wild dogs in mascara. You can expect to meet men who spend more time appraising their lats than college catalogs. And you can expect to find really cool people someplace else.
 
But it could be worse. We could argue the pros and cons of being a fomer child star in the peculiar position of trying to make an adult living. Notice that Wil Wheaton's written a book Dancing Barefoot and observe the vitriol of his detractors. Your Darling, Your Diva, Your One True Love supposes it's useless to point out that Wil Wheaton didn't actually do anything to us, however it may seem. If we're scarred by an actor on The New Generation, perhaps - just perhaps - we should step out of the finished basement and - truly hate to say it - get a life.
 

©2003 Robin Pastorio-Newman