Click Here for the Altrok Home pageClick Here for the Rant ArchiveAltrok Radio: On the web and at WRSU-FM 88.7, New Brunswick, NJNY/NJ Area Shows That MatterAltrok Swag: T-Shirts, Mugs, Bags and (of course) Thongs.Viral Guerilla Marketing: Help Us Make Altrok Ubiquitous.A parade of items and links that enrich your Altrok Lifestyle.Send feedback to Altrok

Music Savaged By The Average Beast






Listen Now to Altrok Web Radio
(Or just look at what's playing.)


Subscribe to
Altrok's Discussion List
Powered by
launch.groups.yahoo.com


 
for March 26, 2003


Cat's Entertainment
by Your Diva, Robin Pastorio-Newman

Larry is a small black cat bent on stealing your soul. If stealing your soul's going to require too much effort, he'll sit next to you at dinner and wait for you to drop tasty bites. He's a cat. That's his job.
 
Cats have other jobs too. Sunday, during a Six Feet Under episode that pronounced summary judgment against household vermin, we heard a commotion in the kitchen we didn't bother to investigate. Kitchen commotions are generally limited to Larry's daily struggle against invisible opponents, which Larry sometimes wins. Minutes later, Larry skulked into the living room with a nearly vanquished visible foe between his teeth. Your Darling, Your Diva, Your One True Love asked, "What's in his mouth?" of no one in particular because her companion is a dog kind of guy and the mouthful didn't resemble a stolen pot roast. Larry shifted his grip and the mouthful made a break for it. A field mouse ran for its life, but to Larry it was a really good plaything, and Larry pounced, suddenly the indoor predator that all gentle pets are.
 
In bits of seconds too small to measure, Larry regained his grip on his prey, Your Chrysanthemum covered her face and emitted noises only dogs hear, and her companion spirited the perforated prize away to the kitchen. One decisive THWACK! was heard. Larry searched the living room for his treasure and when he didn't find it, bitchslapped a catnip toy. Later, when shrieks of "EW! EW! EW!" quieted, Your Dahlia asked about the casualty.
 
Handsome Fella: I killed the mousie.
Moi: You wrapped it in plastic and hit it with something?
HF: I hit it with the floor.
 
It's time for spring cleaning. All winter, it's hard to concentrate on keeping the house clean when you're staying home and farting. Don't deny it. Have you heard this old joke?
 
Question: Do women poot?
Answer: No, they turn sixty and explode.
 
Think: how old is Grandma? Grandma's too busy scouring with bleach to explode, though one more go-round with Comet and a scrubby sponge may cause kitchen counter combustion. She's got the right idea, though, so march for the closets. Your closets are packed with stuff you don't wear anymore and stuff you shouldn't wear anymore, right? Let's get rid of it. It's simple. This is Altrok. You'll need cleaning music, and for jobs you've been avoiding, Your Cherry Blossom recommends the B-52's perky Wild Planet.
 
Your clothes are clean, because you lead a reasonably hygienic life. You know those shopping bags you save in a cabinet because you're supposed to recycle and you haven't figured out how? Grab a handful and pick a closet. Take shirts you hate off the hangers, fold them nicely and drop them in the bag. You're lightening your karmic load here, and you want to do it right. Take pants you haven't buttoned since the Reagan administration and fold them too, dropping them into the grocery bags. How about tshirts? For once, forget about selling your Suzy Quattro tshirt on Ebay. Once you start pondering the cosmic mysteries of shipping and handling, you're not taking another step toward a squeaky clean aura. Fold up the tshirts and drop them in the bags. Look! There's room in your bedroom, and a long row of bags by the front door. Where will they go?
 
You have options. Salvation Army, Goodwill, St. Vincent de Paul, Jewish Veterans, individual churches and synagogues, homeless shelters, programs for people re-entering the workforce, even theater groups and high school drama departments need clothing. Most of these organizations can give you receipts, if you need to document tax deductions. Or to establish an alibi. Whatever. Thing is: you feel pretty good. You've done something constructive for yourself, and helped someone you don't know. Maybe on your way home, you stop at the Humane Society and adopt a stray cat.
 

©2003 Robin Pastorio-Newman

All material ©2001-2014 Sean Carolan, except as noted.

 







Today's NY/NJ Shows That Matter

Sunday, June 16, 2019
 
The End of America and Cold Weather Company at City Winery Loft
 
Wu-Tang Clan: 36 Chambers 25th Anniversary Celebration Tour at Ford Amphitheater at Coney Island Boardwalk, Bklyn
 
John Doe & Chris Stein (Talking Punk Rock & Books) at City Winery Loft
 
Levy & The Oaks and Bottled Blonde at Asbury Park Yacht Club
 
 
More NY/NJ Shows That Matter
 

ALTROK Ordinals

ALTROK recommends music once a week; here's our most recent choices. Most links will take you to a place where you can buy the music; if there's no link, and you own a record company, consider releasing it yourself...

A Place To Bury Strangers - It Is Nothing
 
The Boxer Rebellion - Semi-Automatic
 
The Cribs - Cheat On Me
 
Datarock - True Stories
 
Everything Everything - Photoshop Handsome
 
HEALTH - Die Slow
 
Miles Hunt and Erica Nockalls - Catching More Than We Miss
 
Julian Plenti - Games For Days
 
Los Campesinos - The Sea Is A Good Place To Think Of The Future (Free download!)
 
Miike Snow - Black & Blue
 



ALTROK's
Viral Guerilla Marketing Tools



 

ALTROK talks about music, but that job isn't done 'til you make it your own...

ALTROK is a member of the Amazon.com Associates Program.
Click here to buy there, and help support ALTROK in the process.


 

You've read the rants, you've listened to the streams...
ALTROK swag!
...now click on the t-shirt to pick up the swag!



[Error Creating Counter File -- Click for more info]