for September 25, 2002
Fact Or Friction
by Your Diva, Robin Pastorio-Newman
Your Darling, Your Diva, Your One True Love knows what she's thinking.
Sometimes, she knows what you're thinking. She can tell what small
children and politicians are thinking, but who can't, oui? There is one
thought domain in which Your Buttercream Frosting draws a blank, and
that is women in groups. Scout's Honor, what are they thinking? To find
out, Your Carrot Cake sometimes sucks it up and researches using the
versatile tool at hand: Oprah. Yes. Oprah knows what women are thinking,
even if she has to decide herself.
This is television, which by definition is not real. What's real? The terror and elation of a
thirty-year mortgage is real. Full Frontal Fashion is not. Defining
dirty words for curious children before their friends do is real.
Sitcom-style family accord is not. We have been trained to laugh at the
weatherman and stick our heads out the window. TV is not real.
CNN presents us with a dilemma, then: if TV is not real, how can
fireworks over Baghdad be real bombs landing on real houses, killing
real people? Maybe they are. Fireworks are genuinely something
explosive but almost never - we know from grammar school
experiments with M-80s - deadly. A morning traffic copter reports an
accident, and that intersection blocks our path to the office. We avoid
it, so the tie up may be real for other people but not us. Yippee! For
all we care, the smoldering three car heap might well be the Michelin
Man, whom TV displays and who is not real. Probably.
A very small percentage of people watching television know for a fact
that what they see is real or not real. We call them "suspects" and
we're sure they're lying. So...not real.
We watch The Sopranos, which is not
real, and see the Swinging Neckbreakers, which is a real band peopled
by, Your Kiwi Pavlova personally knows, real persons. Which makes this
real to you how?
What then do we do with an earnest crusader telling us we must take
action to prevent mass starvation and thwart pandemic? What if last time we saw this character he was
dressed up as a rock star - a figure as real as muppets and spaghetti
trees? Do we believe we must act or do we believe we must be deeply
moved, entertained and turned loose on unsuspecting dinner guests? What
do we make of Bono? On Oprah? Telling us his
jaunts with politicians and movie stars - not the realest of the real -
will save millions of lives in Africa, which will in turn save our
It seems so real, Jesse Helms and photo ops aside. But...it's TV. Is
Bono for real? Know any women? We could ask them what they think.
©2002 Robin Pastorio-Newman
All material ©2001-2014 Sean Carolan, except as noted.
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Wednesday, January 23, 2019
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A Place To Bury Strangers - It Is Nothing
The Boxer Rebellion - Semi-Automatic
The Cribs - Cheat On Me
Datarock - True Stories
Everything Everything - Photoshop Handsome
HEALTH - Die Slow
Miles Hunt and Erica Nockalls - Catching More Than We Miss
Julian Plenti - Games For Days
Los Campesinos - The Sea Is A Good Place To Think Of The Future (Free download!)
Miike Snow - Black & Blue
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