for July 24, 2002
"Consequences, Shmonsequences ... As Long As I'm Rich."
by Your Diva, Robin Pastorio-Newman
Recently, on the Discovery Channel's "Great Chefs", a
personality-deficient gourmet prepared Steak and Lobster Roulade
garnished with shoestring potatoes. Chef quickly seared the steak on all
four sides, explaining the dish functioned best with a medium to medium
rare doneness. A minute later, Chef sliced the steak on the bias,
revealing red, cool meat perhaps closer to tartare than roulade. Great
Chef's dispassionate narrator intoned, "It's obvious that - like beauty
- medium rare is in the eye of the beholder."
As the Monday morning migration of coeds in intramural lacrosse sweats
signals the end of weekend in a college town, so the new baby song
signals the end of a rock star's sex&drugs&rock'n'roll career. Bruce
Springsteen's new singles mention his children. While the Boss still
sounds like the Boss, he's capitulated to the demands of babysitters,
kindergarten and Mommy & Me. This raises an interesting question: is
there a place for the family in rock music?
Over the weekend, Your Darling, Your Diva, Your One True Love and a
merry band of compatriots took a road trip from New Brunswick to Upstate
New York, a few hundred miles in which to monitor the culture. This is
harder than you might think with a car full of men and women between the
ages of 25 and 40. We couldn't even agree that we all hated Morrissey.
If you can imagine.
We did agree on a loathsome list of domesticated new baby classic
rock-cum-easy listening songs. So to speak. Note that these songs
brought a gentle tear to the eyes of your grandparents. Brace
"Danny's Song" by Kenny Loggins: Dear God, a fitting punishment for
this syrupy goo never crossed the mind of Torquemada.
"Beautiful Boy" by John Lennon: Let us be grateful this child wasn't
triplets. ("Hey Jude" was someone else's a pep talk with John's other,
"This Woman's Work" by Kate Bush: Pregnancy may be more melodic than
swollen ankles and morning sickness. Who knew?
"Forever Young" by Rod Stewart: Vomitrocious.
"You're Having My Baby" by Paul Anka: Truly one of most nauseating
ditties ever composed, and let's not get started on that possessive
At this yak-inducing point, we changed the subject, swallowed fistfuls
of Pepto and switched to a Salsa station since none of us spoke Spanish.
At least the still-amusing-but-so-sucktastic Steven Tyler never regaled
us with the singular wonders of the youthful Liv, and "Janie's Got A
Gun" sounds by comparison with the above like the ballad of an
enterprising lass with a steady trigger finger.
Rock and roll is hedonism, love and bitterness, politics, and mostly
self-involved. Music is the soundtrack of your life. Some lives include
kids. But Rock isn't about consequences - that's country music. Maybe if
you're a rock star with an itch to extoll the virtues of Kindercare, it
might be time to get a gun permit and a dawg.
©2002 Robin Pastorio-Newman
All material ©2001-2014 Sean Carolan, except as noted.
Today's NY/NJ Shows That Matter
Sunday, October 21, 2018
Steely Dan (performing popular demand requests) at Beacon Theatre
The Coronas at Underground Arts, Philly
Sonny Landreth at City Winery
The Vapors at Mercury Lounge
Sebastian Bach at Gramercy Theater
A Conversation with John Cusack (Say Anything screening) at Count Basie Center For The Arts (NEW DATE)
Arlan Feiles and Keith McCarthy at Langosta Lounge (1p)
More NY/NJ Shows That Matter
ALTROK recommends music once a week; here's our most recent choices. Most links will take you to a place where you can buy the music; if there's no link, and you own a record company, consider releasing it yourself...
A Place To Bury Strangers - It Is Nothing
The Boxer Rebellion - Semi-Automatic
The Cribs - Cheat On Me
Datarock - True Stories
Everything Everything - Photoshop Handsome
HEALTH - Die Slow
Miles Hunt and Erica Nockalls - Catching More Than We Miss
Julian Plenti - Games For Days
Los Campesinos - The Sea Is A Good Place To Think Of The Future (Free download!)
Miike Snow - Black & Blue
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