for July 24, 2002
"Consequences, Shmonsequences ... As Long As I'm Rich."
by Your Diva, Robin Pastorio-Newman
Recently, on the Discovery Channel's "Great Chefs", a
personality-deficient gourmet prepared Steak and Lobster Roulade
garnished with shoestring potatoes. Chef quickly seared the steak on all
four sides, explaining the dish functioned best with a medium to medium
rare doneness. A minute later, Chef sliced the steak on the bias,
revealing red, cool meat perhaps closer to tartare than roulade. Great
Chef's dispassionate narrator intoned, "It's obvious that - like beauty
- medium rare is in the eye of the beholder."
As the Monday morning migration of coeds in intramural lacrosse sweats
signals the end of weekend in a college town, so the new baby song
signals the end of a rock star's sex&drugs&rock'n'roll career. Bruce
Springsteen's new singles mention his children. While the Boss still
sounds like the Boss, he's capitulated to the demands of babysitters,
kindergarten and Mommy & Me. This raises an interesting question: is
there a place for the family in rock music?
Over the weekend, Your Darling, Your Diva, Your One True Love and a
merry band of compatriots took a road trip from New Brunswick to Upstate
New York, a few hundred miles in which to monitor the culture. This is
harder than you might think with a car full of men and women between the
ages of 25 and 40. We couldn't even agree that we all hated Morrissey.
If you can imagine.
We did agree on a loathsome list of domesticated new baby classic
rock-cum-easy listening songs. So to speak. Note that these songs
brought a gentle tear to the eyes of your grandparents. Brace
"Danny's Song" by Kenny Loggins: Dear God, a fitting punishment for
this syrupy goo never crossed the mind of Torquemada.
"Beautiful Boy" by John Lennon: Let us be grateful this child wasn't
triplets. ("Hey Jude" was someone else's a pep talk with John's other,
"This Woman's Work" by Kate Bush: Pregnancy may be more melodic than
swollen ankles and morning sickness. Who knew?
"Forever Young" by Rod Stewart: Vomitrocious.
"You're Having My Baby" by Paul Anka: Truly one of most nauseating
ditties ever composed, and let's not get started on that possessive
At this yak-inducing point, we changed the subject, swallowed fistfuls
of Pepto and switched to a Salsa station since none of us spoke Spanish.
At least the still-amusing-but-so-sucktastic Steven Tyler never regaled
us with the singular wonders of the youthful Liv, and "Janie's Got A
Gun" sounds by comparison with the above like the ballad of an
enterprising lass with a steady trigger finger.
Rock and roll is hedonism, love and bitterness, politics, and mostly
self-involved. Music is the soundtrack of your life. Some lives include
kids. But Rock isn't about consequences - that's country music. Maybe if
you're a rock star with an itch to extoll the virtues of Kindercare, it
might be time to get a gun permit and a dawg.
©2002 Robin Pastorio-Newman
All material ©2001-2014 Sean Carolan, except as noted.
Today's NY/NJ Shows That Matter
Tuesday, May 22, 2018
Turbonegro at Bowery Ballroom
Alpha Blondy at Sony Hall (235 W 46th St)
The Longshot and The Trashbags at Coney Island Baby
More NY/NJ Shows That Matter
ALTROK recommends music once a week; here's our most recent choices. Most links will take you to a place where you can buy the music; if there's no link, and you own a record company, consider releasing it yourself...
A Place To Bury Strangers - It Is Nothing
The Boxer Rebellion - Semi-Automatic
The Cribs - Cheat On Me
Datarock - True Stories
Everything Everything - Photoshop Handsome
HEALTH - Die Slow
Miles Hunt and Erica Nockalls - Catching More Than We Miss
Julian Plenti - Games For Days
Los Campesinos - The Sea Is A Good Place To Think Of The Future (Free download!)
Miike Snow - Black & Blue
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