2001: A Mace Odyssey
by Your Diva, Robin Pastorio-Newman

"I’ve had a very, very long career in music and if I gleaned any wisdom it would be encapsulated in five simple words...Music is its own reward."

- STING, on receiving
a lifetime achievement
award at the Brit Awards
in London.

Oh dear. Mr. Sumner’s lost his marbles.

Your Darling, Your Diva, Your One True Love puts forth a proposal: perhaps the aforementioned millionaire should hush. His bucketloads of profits permit his record company to crush the lives of other talented musicians, whose rewards for their hard work and devotion include blushing when you want fries with that.

The Grammies buzz fills the air and there’s blood in the water: the Olympics concluded, Gary Condit’s back in the headlines, and we’re still stalking Osama bin Laden. Our paranoia’s reached epic proportions. Last Friday morning, Fox5’s Good Day New York ran a lengthy report about a missing cow in Ohio even heat-seeking gadgets couldn’t catch. Monday night, Jay Leno couldn’t deliver a punchline without Mr. McFeeley. For Armani’s sake, let’s change the subject before some halfwit stages a patriotic benefit concert. Enough about me - Your Avenging Angel offers a few just rewards, Sting-style.

For parading around half-clothed, sharing a mortgage and monogrammed towels with a known male person while blabbing incessantly about her virginity, Britney Spears earns 25 lbs. of cellulite. Good luck, Pop Princess, with the loofah!

For taking the bull by the horns and making music their own way, New Brunswick’s Dennis and Diane Boyle earn Your Crisp Meringue’s genuine respect. For months, I’ve harangued Altrok readers: if you don’t like the state of music, get out there and do something about it. The Diaden choir’s clear, idyllic sound kicks it punk rock-like. More about this underdog in weeks to come.

For a great record release party at the Court Tavern, George Is Dead earns a standing ovation. The show including sets by the hilarious, energetic Brimstones, brilliant, messy 100 Pounds of Porn and the grinding, fierce, bloody George Is Dead. Hazardous fun, not for the squeamish!

Finally, for the coward who put the Court’s doorman in the hospital: oooh, bad karma, like Sting’s music, is its own reward, encapsulated in five simple words: Reach for the soap, studmuffin!

©2002 Robin Pastorio-Newman