Commercial Justice
by Stiffy Biceptz

Can't find anything cool to listen to on the radio?

You don't have to.

Just turn on the tube and wait for the commercials.

If you ever wondered what happened to all your favorite alternative and punk bands, look no further than Madison Avenue. Unthinkable as it might have seemed back in '91, corporate America (and Japan) are the hippest broadcasters currently on the free airwaves. A recent spate of car commercials features the original recordings of none other than the Buzzcocks' "What Do I Get?", the Ramones' "Blitzkrieg Bop", the Breeders' "Cannonball", Iggy Pop's "Lust For Life" ... and the most surprising to me of all, the Smiths' "How Soon Is Now".

The first time I heard the opening to "What Do I Get?" coming out of the TV, I jumped off the couch and screamed "Oh MY GOD!" My wife came running down the steps, thinking I had just cut my hand off or something; she couldn't understand how I could be so excited by the jingle on a car commercial.

What I really can't understand is why these fairly conservative companies aren't choosing more mainstream music to accompany their products. Could you imagine the look on a corporate VP's face when the marketing guy says, "Here's the new commercial for our SUV. Who's music is that? Oh, that's the Buzzcocks..."

So if you want to hear all your old favorites, just send a note to your favorite corporation and request a song; after all, you've now got a better chance of hearing Echo And The Bunnymen on a Ford commercial than the radio. I can't wait for the IBM commercial featuring the Dead Kennedys...

(Every time the Subaru commercial featuring "Blitzkrieg Bop" comes on, my 2-year-old son screams, "Hey ho, let's go!" Ah, what a good father I am...)

©2002 Stiffy Biceptz