for February 14, 2002
[It's Valentine's Day. Here at Altrok, we could care less. -Ed.]
Um, Where Am I?
by Shaun "Bastard" Nelson
The Super Bowl, and with it the football season, are over. For once, the game was
interesting and the commercials were boring. The players and coaches are
starting to get ready to win the next season, or in the case of the Jets,
they'll dash their hopes and get set on losing the season again.
The Formula One season is over, the races weren't that interesting, the
commercials are normal, and the political driver swapping is winding down,
and everybody's getting ready for the new season, except Jos Verstappen.
Minardi focuses their preparation on trying to stay ahead of the safety car
and carefully removing all chances to finish in the top 20, and Prost
finishes packing up all their worldly belongings into carefully wrapped box,
where they'll be auctioned off to the populace of France. And Michael
Schumacher has, well, gobs and gobs of cash.
As a fairly normal sports watching guy, I watch and follow both of these
seasons, closely. I read the news every day, picking out information on
both; digesting it and making predictions based the information gathered. An
important part of the process is calling my bookie.
Otherwise, though, I pay close attention. And sometimes what happens bothers
One: Sheryl Crow's performance as the AFC Championship game. I only saw this
on TV, and what I saw of it was bad. Sheryl Crow, while wearing a mustard
colored catsuit, signing a fairly bland tune about something. Honestly, I
couldn't tell you what she was singing if you threatened me with a beating
from club-footed Jehovah's witnesses.
But apart from a few hardy souls waving their Steeler Terrible Towels, not
many people were either getting down with their bad selves or putting their
hands in the air like they just didn't care. For the most part, the crowd
just looked puzzled as to what the hell Sheryl Crow was doing in the middle
of their football game.
Two: John Mellencamp at the US Grand Prix. A pompous, "America is Great"
pre-race production, complete with a choir singing the national anthem, whose
finale had Mr. Mellencamp signing his new song, "Perfect World" to an
audience of befuddled Europeans. The two Dutchmen in front of me, wearing
their "Jos" (now un-employed, Hey Jos, we need writers!) hats proudly, were
very concerned, in the beginning, that they were not actually at a F1 race,
normally the pinnacle of world motor racing, but in fact, trapped in a
Sartre-like Midwestern hell. I think if the huge American flag spread across
the track, with hundreds of human heads poking thru, were to start
line-dancing, these men would have run.
I take comfort in the fact that my plaid-shirt-wearing, beer-swilling,
corn-dog-eating ways did nothing ease them.
But sports promoters need to learn from this lesson. They need to select
musical accompaniment that's both relevant and complementary to the sporting
events they're hosting. No more Aerosmith-'N Sync duets. No more Michael
Jackson and his halftime salute to the children of the world. No more Up
with People and its salute to... um... people.
What if I just settle for no more Up With People?
©2002 Shaun Nelson
All material ©2001-2014 Sean Carolan, except as noted.
Today's NY/NJ Shows That Matter
Monday, September 16, 2019
Band Of Skulls at Webster Hall
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ALTROK recommends music once a week; here's our most recent choices. Most links will take you to a place where you can buy the music; if there's no link, and you own a record company, consider releasing it yourself...
A Place To Bury Strangers - It Is Nothing
The Boxer Rebellion - Semi-Automatic
The Cribs - Cheat On Me
Datarock - True Stories
Everything Everything - Photoshop Handsome
HEALTH - Die Slow
Miles Hunt and Erica Nockalls - Catching More Than We Miss
Julian Plenti - Games For Days
Los Campesinos - The Sea Is A Good Place To Think Of The Future (Free download!)
Miike Snow - Black & Blue
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