for February 13, 2002
Controlling Your Soapier Tendencies
by Your Diva, Robin Pastorio-Newman
Yesterday, ALTROK's Fearless Leader Sean Carolan discussed the music business' evil new copyright protection strategy (Cactus Data Shield) and its monsterhead experimental form (Natalie Imbruglia's new album). Mr. Carolan's arguments are cogent, carefully composed, largely free of stealth attacks. Like the ones you expect from me, Your Darling, Your Diva, Your One True Love. And Al Franken, but his Tutu Of Invisibility's at the cleaners.
Let's be silly. Let's be serious. Let's raise our pinkies and declare Natalie Imbruglia gold medal winner in the 100 meter dash from the money. What savant prevents fans from listening to her music? Comparison shoppers, let's get allegorical:
Ugbagug: Look, I've invented fire. It's very hot.
Bekod: We could use that! We're surrounded by icy cold things and people!
Ugbagug: Sorry! Gift for the volcano people, who're toasty and scantily clad. They'll never use it!
Bekod: Your loss! I look great in blue!
Maybe Your Night-Blooming Jasmine's wrong and you need expensive coasters. For twenty bucks, you can stimulate the economy by hiring someone to hold your drink, rather than reward music conglomerates for cheating you. On the other hand, if you're buying a Natalie Imbruglia CD, you have a bigger problem: soap opera stars make records, and you buy them!
Let's set aside the megaultrasupercute Rick Springfield: consumers bought his records before he starred on General Hospital. How can we be sure he deserves exemption? In the eighties, Rick had his own cartoon, and made records before, during and after that. Yep, on vinyl and
everything. So let's hike over him and stomp some weaker fronds: have we
learned nothing from that Kylie Minogue "Locomotion" debacle? Can anyone
Wagner" without blanching? Your Fragrant Honeysuckle prays Shemar
Moore refrains from recording
a teen anthem, a lush and pointless love song, or a seemingly endless
cover tune. What higher power will save us from this glamourless doom?
Your Tranquil Lotus Blossom would love to point out what's so fabulously
right with music. It'd be far easier on the binding diva wardrobe if its
wearer less frequently bolted from the chaise lounge in alarm.
Amusement, but mostly alarm (the breathtakingly bad becomes the
barkingly funny with just the spit-take of one's companion) - alas, here
we are. In one conclusion: blame the soap connection, refrain from
purchasing repackaged daytime stars' glossy dreck, refuse to cheat
yourself. And in another: about cartoon lives, our Fearless Leader's is more exciting than a Viagra drip in
Cardiac Care. That's one way to be the rock star one genuinely is
without being a musician one authentically is not.
©2002 Robin Pastorio-Newman
All material ©2001-2014 Sean Carolan, except as noted.
Today's NY/NJ Shows That Matter
Monday, September 16, 2019
Band Of Skulls at Webster Hall
More NY/NJ Shows That Matter
ALTROK recommends music once a week; here's our most recent choices. Most links will take you to a place where you can buy the music; if there's no link, and you own a record company, consider releasing it yourself...
A Place To Bury Strangers - It Is Nothing
The Boxer Rebellion - Semi-Automatic
The Cribs - Cheat On Me
Datarock - True Stories
Everything Everything - Photoshop Handsome
HEALTH - Die Slow
Miles Hunt and Erica Nockalls - Catching More Than We Miss
Julian Plenti - Games For Days
Los Campesinos - The Sea Is A Good Place To Think Of The Future (Free download!)
Miike Snow - Black & Blue
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