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for February 6, 2002

Led Astray
by Your Diva, Robin Pastorio-Newman

Weeks ago, Your Darling, Your Diva, Your One True Love exhorted you to turn off your radio. It’s been silent in the Your Tasty Morselmobile, except for the throat-clearing of uncomfortable passengers. Attaining a state of enlightenment might be easier if one weren’t busy flipping off Nirvana-seeking road hogs.

Nothing changed in a few weeks, really. The same drivel’s on the radio, the exception being fewer jabs at Charlotte Church. It’s not worth complaining about, so let’s talk about television, another bizarro world in which a Chef Boyardi Ravioli commercial is smarter and catchier than anything but that infectious hunk Arthur Kent.

Deny it under oath, but you watched the Superbowl so you could talk about the ads on an AOL chatboard. The chicks dig that, you know. The ads, for the most part banal as anything on in prime time, hit a few shiny high notes. Your Diva’s favorite was Barry Bonds telling Hank Aaron to quit haunting him. If you happened to be re-heating weenies both times it broadcast, Hank’s delightful debut will soon highlight your viewings of, say, Babylon Five movies on FX.

The commercial making your skin crawl, making you weep and moan, would it be for Cadillacs? Set to "Rock and Roll" by Led Zeppelin? More than Britney Spears wearing a fringed vest, did these Caddy ads make you wonder if that teenage angst suicide attempt had succeeded and no one mentioned you were really IN HELL SINCE 1974? That would explain "In Through the Out Door" wouldn’t it?

The Saturday night preceeding the broadcast debacle in which Bono embarrassed us all into wishing we could blame our persistent blushing on rosacea, Your Divine Retribution emphatically raised her Bud can next to the mosh pit. Peny Dredful & the Bloody Valentines/The Wretched Ones/Destroy All Bands, an Oi! boy’s dream bill, blistered at the Court Tavern. Destroy All Bands hasn’t played together in years, but the crowd remembered every roaring word. Another brill reunion show. Where were you?

But the most interesting moment of the weekend came from an unexpected source. As Your Fabulousness primped before going out Saturday evening, UPN showed the 17th Annual Stellar Gospel Music Awards, of which I saw about ten minutes, since it was on opposite A&E’s "Columbo Goes to College." Certainly the notion of a genre called Hip Hop Gospel had never occurred to me, but Your Darling’s young yet and one never knows, right? Like an awards show where winners thanking God didn’t sound to the discerning ear as if they’d suddenly begun speaking in tongues. No, these award winners sounded as if gratitude were genuine, and ordinary, and natural. It was a completely new idea. But the kicker, the sucker punch was the introduction of Sean Combs as...Sean Combs. Who saw that coming?

So, *something* happened while the radio was off. Wanna fill me in?

©2002 Robin Pastorio-Newman

All material ©2001-2014 Sean Carolan, except as noted.


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