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for January 7, 2002

The 8-Ball: Day Four
by Lorraine Doran

[ALTROK's contributors have all turned to the Magic 8-Ball for a look at the newly-begun year. Today, Lorraine Doran gazes at the smoky glass blob.]

Will success in the music business continue to depend on how well one plays to fifteen year olds?

Magic 8-Ball: Most Likely

Lorraine: Now if we could just get more buying power into the hands of the kids listening to artists more interested in showcasing their song writing ability than their navels...

Which band will be the next to score a platinum seller after being hailed as "the next Pearl Jam"?

Magic 8-Ball: Reply Hazy Try Again

Lorraine: Itís out there. And itís coming. Being derivative is just too easy.

Will large record companies support the "indie" artists that lend them credibility?

Magic 8-Ball: Better Not Tell You Now

Lorraine: Go ask Liz Phair.

Does last yearís release of records like Spiritualizedís "Let It Come Down", Tori Amosí "Strange Little Girls" and Radioheadís "Amnesiac" give us some hope for 2002?

Magic 8-Ball: As I See It Yes

Lorraine: These and so few others, but yes.

Will big corporations continue to introduce otherwise not very commercial music?

Magic 8-Ball: Outlook Good

Lorraine: Coldplay mightíve had the catchy hooks to make it out of the box without getting air play on an ABC promo. But the Volkswagen commercial worked for Nick Drake. And they say irony is dead. [No, but as for Nick Drake... - Ed.]

On a related note, will artists not lacking in money or exposure stop selling their songs to hawk Jaguars?

Magic 8-Ball: Donít Count On It

Lorraine: Thereís no shame in it if everyoneís doing it. Right?

Is the revolution in the suburbs?

Magic 8-Ball: Yes

Lorraine: Itís in suburban basements on home recording systems.

Now, about that new Liz Phair record...

Magic 8-Ball: Ask Again Later

Has Carson Daly sold his soul to satan?

Magic 8-Ball: It Is Certain

Lorraine: If anyone has a better way to explain this guyís career, the 8-Ball is listening.

This J-Lo/P. Diddy thing really has me down. Will she come to her senses and take him back?

Magic 8-Ball: Very Doubtful

Lorraine: But if she did, it would doubtless inspire yet another confusing name change, a Barbara Walters special and record sales like you wouldnít believe.

Other than the new Dylan record, will anything, well, good, get nominated for an Album of the Year Grammy?

Magic 8-Ball: My Sources Say No

Lorraine: Okay, sometimes the 8-Ball cheats. But only when the answer is obvious.

©2002 Lorraine Doran

All material ©2001-2014 Sean Carolan, except as noted.


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