The 8-Ball: Day One
by Your Diva, Robin Pastorio-Newman

[ALTROK's contributors have all turned to the Magic 8-Ball for a look at next year. Today, Robin Pastorio-Newman squints at the little semi-opaque lens of knowledge.]

Your Diva asks a lot of questions, usually of The One True Tami, who answers until we switch to Jack Daniels. After that, we ask advice of the Magic 8 Ball, the way God intended. Hey, it's cheaper than calling Miss Cleo at Rikers.

For 2002:

Most Likely:
Will the blackmail victim responsible for Macy Gray's career tells his wife about the barnyard animals rather than subject us to another awful note?

Reply Hazy Try Again:
"Excuse me, Miss Smith and Miss - uh - Barabajangle, of course I see here you were both born in - ah - 1956, but you look mi-i-i-i-ghty young. And isn't that the Secret Service?"

Better Not to Tell You Now:
More J-Lo specials from Puerto Rico, complete with stultifying costume changes and a bigger hype than Christmas?

As I See It Yes:
Tom and Drew - the new Liz and Dick?

Outlook Good:
Does this wine go with Mardi Gras beads?

Don't Count On It:
Will authorities determine what happened to the REAL Sting?

Yes:
Bert Convy - still dead?

Ask Again Later:
About those scary Jennifer Lopez specials...?

It Is Certain:
Dare I ask: more boy bands?

Very Doubtful:
Will the XFILES take a miraculous turn and become interesting again?

My Sources Say No:
No, really, will I be saved from "UNUTTERABLY LIVE FROM SAN JUAN"?

©2001 Robin Pastorio-Newman